Mind Games: The Fear of Isolation

Posted on Wed Jan 31st, 2024 @ 7:49pm by Boso Gane & Lieutenant JG Eradaar Ezazzan
Edited on on Wed Jan 31st, 2024 @ 7:49pm

1,759 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: From the Inside
Tags: 2400, Character Development

(Tag to Cooke, not sure if you want to put in Bozo trying to counter her fight back to reality. If not I will post as is. If so I will wait to post)

[ON]

Eradaar was, for the briefest of moments, paralyzed as something invaded and entered her mind. Tucked away behind decades of mental reinforcement was, in fact, her worst fear. Behind the walls of flame filled with the anguished cries of dying individuals, the remains of a shuttle could be seen. The flames licked at the melting frame of the type 8 shuttlecraft, the writhing dying visible as they also began to melt. Their cries cut short as they joined the mass of burnt bodies surrounding the wreckage. Just inside a nook, hidden between two reinforced frames and protected from the insane temperatures by some miracle, was a young hatchling Gorn trembling in fear.

She was alone, abandoned, and the prospect of death instigated within her something she couldn't comprehend because she was too young to understand it. Death was near for her, though in truth she had no ability to know it. She only understood it by peaking once or twice to watch as the literal corpses of living souls died in a horrible, terrible fashion. Her eyes wide and the reflection of the flames burning themselves forever into them, she would be forced to hide each time as the intense heat began to melt her snout scales. She was effectively trapped inside the hole, instigated by the accident of the transporting shuttle. The flames and accident had already consumed her caretaker, now it was coming for her.

An explosion rocked her hiding place as the intense destruction rippled across the crash site. The explosion itself finished off any lingering souls left suffering - save for the Gornling. The hatchling Gorn whined audibly as a loose panel was shot out from across her hiding place and landed on the entrance to it, forever trapping her. The sounds of outside ceased save for the gentle ripples of the flames as they continued their inevitable consumption. It was dark, impossibly so, and the tiny Gornling was afraid. She closed her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks, trembling as the overwhelming fear of isolation and being alone consumed her.

"I'm alone," she heard her adult voice say, yet the hatchling was the one to mimic the talk. "I am alone and no one will save me."

It was her greatest fear: isolation. For several years of her earlier life, she had been taken from Clan Ezazzan by pure accident. Originally considered dead due to initial Starfleet reports and a clerical misunderstanding, she would eventually be found and given to an adoptive Federation household for most of her youth. Only in her early adulthood would she be able to appreciate the legacy and lineage denied to her by this event. Years of being bullied, teased, and insulted for being different would await her. Years of questioning, denial, depression, loneliness, confusion, questioning, and isolation awaited her. Yet her gifts would open doors for her that would eventually help her to find her true self.

She heard another explosion outside, this time several in succession as the ground shook and the tiny hole she hid in - now trapped by debris from the shuttle - began to feel suddenly claustrophobic. Starfleet would assign a few "observers" to her, due in part to her being a Gorn and also to the fact she was extremely intelligent and educated. Despite her pain and suffering in traditional Federation schools, officials from Starfleet would use her high grades to justify advancing her learning into more Starfleet-oriented educational establishments where her career in Starfleet truly began. Where normally her pain and suffering would be used as a crutch to mentally hamper her, Starfleet had swooped in and provided the thing she needed to advance beyond that. Despite the visage of lonliness and isolation playing out around her, the Gorn realized then that Starfleet had been her one true advocate and friend.

"Maybe ... not so alone?" she asked to no one in particular. Her mind began to feel less isolated now. She felt a warmth inside her: Hope.

Her adoptive family was not bad either. They were Starfleet personnel who routinely moved between starbases, which left Eradaar with little time for friends and plenty for enemies. Those few friends she did make she never had truly enough time to appreciate. Though thinking back now, there were a few that seemed to follow her despite her relocations. Always there, eager to hear her stories of suffering or jubilations. Hear her successes and encourage her despite her failures. She often wondered if Starfleet had assigned caretakers to her, to ensure her growth and success. It sure did seem like it sometimes.

There was one or two Gorn friends she remembered as well that always seemed to appear when she needed them the most. Always listened, always earnest in their efforts to support her. Yet she recalled they weren't always at the Starbases that her adoptive families were assigned. Some were true military installations that, being top secret, didn't have the civilian luxuries of others. In those, she recalled, she met more of the common human and vulcan faces of those few friends that always seemed to transfer with her. Yet in the less secure ones, she recalled seeing more Gorn.

It wasn't until later in life that she learned that Clan Ezazzan knew she was alive - at least suspected as such - and had assigned to her mentors and watchers to keep an eye on her. The official news was that she was dead and her parents believed as such, but as soon as Starfleet had taken notice, Clan Ezazzan had as well and had been notified. There was a strong suspicion she was Clan Ezazzan, but no valid proof of that could be verified. Instead, moreso out of sympathy for the Gornlings plight, Clan Ezazzan gave unto Eradaar a support network. Either it would pay off and verification of her true identity would be found or the Clan would have a new addition when she became an adult.

Thankfully, by the time Eradaar had been motivated into Starfleet, she had voluntary gave a DNA donation per a request of a recruiter who looked awfully familiar to her. By the time she was on the USS Poseidon in the Cadet Learning Program under the instruction of Starfleet Academy, her true identity had been verified and Clan Ezazzan had been notified. It was then on her first leave from Starfleet that the Clan was introduced to her thanks to the help of Starfleet and, finally, everything made sense in the mad world that Eradaar had grown up in.

"Maybe...Maybe I'm not so alone?" the hatchling said in the desolate, hidden hole that now seemed far less depressing and scary. She recalled her adoptive parents, the many Gorn friends, the many friends that stayed by her side. No, she had never been truly alone. Why would she ever think that?

Edward and Katherine Baker had been her adoptive parents assigned to her just three years after her accident. They were dedicated Starfleet personnel assigned to Starfleet Intelligence, thus why they consistently moved around. Yet despite this, they did their earnest best to provide the young Eradaar a solid foundation for a home and became her best friends. Even when she'd come home, tears dried in her eyes and snot on her snout from sobbing, they'd listen to her woes and provide assurances as they cleaned her up. They, along with the many friends she had, would be her support network that encouraged her to be the best she could be.

When Starfleet encouraged her to skip grades into more formal lines of education in 2380, she accepted because of her adoptive parents being so supportive. From there, the sky was the limit, and by the time she was reintroduced to Clan Ezazzan in 2394 she already thought of Edward and Katherine as her lifelong friends. They were her parents, mentors, friends. When she finally saw her real mother and father again, her adoptive parents had sat her down to help her transition from one family to another. To instead of giving her up, encourage her to choose the best path. To say that regardless whatever path she chose, the door to their ever-changing homes would always be open to her. It was because of this everlasting support and encouragement that she stayed in contact with the Bakers even after reintroduction into Clan Ezazzan. They not only helped her by giving her a stable life after the accident, but also helped her in accepting her family as a whole when they were found again.

At the height of her hope as she overcame her despair, Eradaar heard a voice call from the shadows.

"Someone's interfering," a feminine voice said quietly. "Don't let them get to you," the voice instructed said

It was then that Eradaar began to question her surroundings, the reality of it. Memories of all that transpired since Starfleet took her in to her arrival on the USS Missouri came flooding back. This wasn't real, she concluded, despite her eyes seeing the destruction and flames around her. She closed tightly her eyes and clutched at the very fabric of her mind.

"This is not real," she whispered. When she opened her eyes, she awoke to reality, standing behind the feminine voice that had called to her. Doctior Lahki Bakshi was standing there, the Betazoid Chief Medical Officer of the Missouri.

For a moment, Eradaar blinked back to reality. She felt herself involuntarily shiver at the recollection of something so brutally cruel, yet so full of hope and assurance. She snorted, shaking her head, listening to the Betazoid Chief Medical Officer as they literally gripped the Gorn from certain defeat.

"Yes, of course," Eradaar replied to Lahki, a bit of fear and tremble in her voice as she did. How could anyone grasp such hidden pain from her? The Gorn followed after Lahki now, perhaps for protection from the horrors she endured in those few critical minutes. She had relived her life and had it not been for the hopeful moments, she'd likely still be trapped in that isolation.

"I will try to remain vigilant," the Gorn said.

[OFF]

Lieutenant JG Eradaar Ezazzan
Chief Counselor
USS Missouri

&

Boso Gane
Antagonist

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